Reflections

Been a while since I posted anything on this blog besides my work, so here goes...

Today marks a milestone for me. It has been exactly one week since my novel, Bluesday, was published on Nook and Kindle. Feedback so far has been positive and of this I am very proud. I’m proud of the work that went into that book and I thank God for giving me the courage to publish it. Once upon a time, I’d have rather died than let someone, anyone read my work. One of my greatest fears, the fear of rejection, held me back for a long, long time. But I finally realized that fearing rejection wasn’t keeping it out of my life. So, I decided to face it head-on and I’m glad I did.

Another milestone is that my oldest daughter and her husband are now 12-weeks pregnant. Yes, I am going to be a grandmother. A cute, young, grandmother, lol. I am happy for them and I can’t wait to meet the little one, whom they have graciously allowed me to name. I couldn’t be more proud of my daughter or of my gestating grandbaby.

As I think about these great things that are happening in my life, I find it hard not to reflect on my past. The mistakes, the triumphs. They all made me who I am. I thank God that my decision-making skills have improved and that my insanity level has greatly decreased. But I still find myself wondering, Why in the world did I get involved with that guy? Why did I spend so many years trying to make it work with that other guy? Lord, why did I sleep with that one? Why did I take that job? Why did I live in that house? Yeah, I have my issues, but what woman doesn’t? Like I said, I’m better now.

Gone are the days I’d wake up depressed for no reason, go through the day with a cloud of gloom hanging over me, and then go to sleep in tears. So many days wasted and I can honestly say that looking back, I had no reason to be depressed. God delivered me from that and I am so glad about it.

My people-pleasing ways are gone as well. Double thank God for that! I spent soooo many years worried that I’d displease the people around me, until I finally realized that I’d never totally please them. NEVER. And I was killing myself trying. After much prayer and soul-searching, I came to the conclusion that if my happiness hinged on their acceptance of me, then I’d never, ever be happy. My life isn’t perfect now, but it sure is a whole lot better.

Anywho, enough of the past. Here’s to the future! I am excited about it and I believe that things can only get better! Until later….Be Blessed…

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